I'm so sorry it takes me so long in between posts. It seems like, aside from real life kicking my ass the past couple of months, I have to redirect my thoughts on this story. I know where I want it to go but I sometimes have problems getting it there. I think a big part of this is because I love Danny. I didn't mean to and he was supposed to be this huge jackass but for some reason he didn't turn out to be that and I can't seem to make him that now. So I wrote myself into a corner there. And, of course, the season is almost over and here I am still sticking them in last spring.
I'm a work in progress. That was the whole point of this in the first place. I tried to make it smutty at first to keep people interested but I guess I'm not that kind of writer. I'm not saying there won't be any, because there may be, I'm just saying that isn't what this is anymore. I guess it never was.
I so very much appreciate those of you who still read this and put up with my sporadic posting.
To those of you who still come here, thank you thank you thank you times a billion.
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A bunch of us found some ice to skate on Sunday and Monday. Me, Letang, Engo, TK, Matty and Benny called a few rinks and found some open time. It can get rough in the off season. Now if we would have had Sid or Geno with us, it would have been a whole lot easier, of course. But they’re both on vacation. Well, I guess it’s pretty unfair to call what Sid has been going through a vacation. Geno’s probably on some beach with a blonde rubbing suntan lotion all over him. Sid’s probably at home in a dark soundproof room. I try not to think about Sid too much. It scares me.
Letang and Engo have been working well together and have been showing each other different aspects of the game. They decided to help Matty and Benny too. Engo is showing them how to be tougher. Tanger is showing them how to be, well, better. TK and me are just standing back to watch Tanger skate. We take turns throwing pucks at him.
“You’re gonna win the Norris this season, Tanger!” TK yells out to him.
Tanger ignores him. He doesn’t talk about such things. It’s true though. If he doesn’t win next season, he’s a shoe-in for the following season. How long can they continue to ignore him if he keeps getting better?
Benny glides over to us.
“What’s the deal with you and that chick? What’s her name,” he asks. I assume he means Carly but I just shrug like I don’t know what girl he means.
“Carly,” TK answers. “She’s still with the MMA fighter.”
“Not for long from what I could see,” Benny says.
I nod my head towards Engo plowing Matty into the boards.
“Go fight for the six spot,” I tell him as we watch Matty retaliate on Engo with a shove.
“That was mean, man,” TK tells me.
I just shrug. I’m sick of people talking to me about Carly. And honestly I don’t see any way that Lovejoy isn’t number seven this season.
Monday, after a solid two hours on the ice, we make our way out to the cars. I slide into the passenger seat of Engo’s car after TK climbs in back.
“We’re all going to Danny’s tomorrow, right?” TK asks as Engo pulls out onto the road.
“Yeah,” I answer. “We’ll have to figure out who’s driving and where we’ll meet.”
“We can meet at Tanger’s,” Deryk suggests. “He has the most convenient driveway. Fits lots of cars.”
Tuesday morning comes fast. I shove Carly’s sweatshirt in my bag and meet Engo outside at 10:45. We get to Tanger’s and wait in the driveway where we collectively decide that Benny will drive. His SUV will hold all of us. We pull out of the driveway and something catches TK’s eye. He turns his head back towards Kris’ front door.
“whoa. Who’s that?” He asks. We all turn to look. A leggy blonde is walking through Kris’ front yard and getting into a red Corvette parked on the street outside Tanger’s.
“Masseuse,” Tanger says and grins.
“Damn,” Matty says, his mouth still hanging open.
“Dog,” TK says and shoves the back of Tanger’s seat. “Anne wouldn’t be happy about that.”
“Something tells me you wouldn’t want to make that chick mad,” I point out helpfully.
Kris laughs. “She knows I get massages. She doesn’t need to see the masseuse.” He shrugs. “Besides, we just met. I don’t think she expects much from me right now.”
“If there’s one thing I do know about chicks,” TK adds, “it’s that almost all of them almost always expect too much.”
“Not all of them,” Engo chimes in, grinning.
“We know, we know. You’re happily married,” Matty says with a roll of his eyes.
I’m sitting in the front passenger seat while Benny drives. The rest of the guys fall silent. Either texting (Tyler) or listening to their iPods (Letang, Engo and Matty).
“Wanna talk?” Benny asks me.
“About what?” I ask even though I know what he means.
“I don’t know,” he says, “whatever you want. Sometimes it just helps to talk.”
I make a grunting sound.
“About anything, I mean.” He answers my grunt. “I don’t just mean about Carly.”
“I worry about Sid a lot,” I tell him and sigh.
“He’s doing better though,” Benny says cheerfully. “He’ll be good as new for the start of the season.”
“Seems so far away,” I say, looking out the window, not knowing exactly what I’m talking about. The summers always go by quickly, no matter how long they are. I turn my head back to the front.
“Here before you know it,” Benny says and steals a side glance at me. “It will all work out.”
I just nod and lean my head back on the seat. “You can talk, man. I’m listening,” I tell him so he knows I’m not sleeping or just simply ignoring him. I know Benny likes to talk. I guess too much silence makes him uncomfortable.
So he does. He talks about missing home, wanting a dog, and the best places to get pizza. I don’t think he stopped talking for more than 30 seconds the whole way to Danny’s. I tried to comment as much as I could. At one point I even told him about Carly’s dog Lucky. TK adds a few comments here and there.
When we start down the street that leads to Danny’s, I suddenly can’t swallow. I keep trying to clear my throat, when we get out of the car. Engo hands me a water bottle and pats me on the shoulder.
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As I make my way through the woods to Danny’s, I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to say to him. I don’t think he’s mad at me. I mean, I didn’t do anything wrong. I haven’t talked to him since Saturday night but I don’t know if that’s because he didn’t call me or because I didn’t call him. And since I don’t know how I view it, I can’t guess how he does.
I approach the door to his gym and still don’t have a speech prepared. I just take a deep breath and throw open the door.
“Hi!” I figure if I sound excited and smile enough, he might smile back.
He does. “Hey, babe.” He makes his way over to me with his arms open. I wrap mine around his waist. “Where ya been?” He asks and holds me out at arm’s length. Smiling his gorgeous, familiar smile.
“Quitting school and preparing to move,” I tell him matter-of-factly.
“Oh really,” he steps away to adjust the weight on one of his machines. “Been busy?”
“Yeah,” I answer, suddenly feeling guilty. “I didn’t know if,” but I don’t know how to continue so I put my head down and bite my bottom lip.
“If what?” He asks, not looking at me. “If maybe I’d want to know that my girlfriend is making major life decisions without at the very least telling me about them?”
“I’m telling you now,” I say and immediately regret it.
He turns his head halfway in my direction. I look at the mirrored wall to my left to see his full face. He lowers his eyes to the ground. He doesn’t say anything.
“I didn’t think you’d care,” I tell him.
I’m still watching him in the mirrors. It isn’t just in his eyes now; his whole face looks like he’s been defeated. His shoulders slump a little. Like he’s ready to tap out.
He turns to face me and I think he might come to hug me and tell me he cares because he loves me. Instead he sits on a weight bench. He rests his elbows on his knees and lowers his head.
“What are you doing here?” He asks softly.
“I just…” Suddenly I’m so frustrated; I want to piss him off. “Are you talking to me or the ground?”
He raises his eyes to me but not his head. It makes him look angry; the way he’s looking at me.
“Sorry,” I say because I am, not because I’m afraid. I puff out my cheeks and blow air out. “I’m sorry I haven’t called you but you didn’t call me and I thought maybe you were mad at me still.”
His eyes go quizzical. “Mad?” He lifts his head and shakes it in confusion. “I was never mad at you, Carly.”
“How would I know that?” I ask and throw up my hands. “You were yelling at me. You were mean to Anne for no reason.”
“There are reasons,” he says and lays back on the bench.
I walk over and sit on the floor between his feet, facing him. I bring my hands up and rest them on his thigh, fingers laced together. He puts his hand on top of mine and traces a circle with his thumb.
“Is it Jordan?” He asks quietly.
“Is what Jordan?”
“Is he the reason you’re breaking up with me?” He sits up, grabs my hands in his and looks down at me.
“I’m not,” I shake my head. “Why would you think that?”
“I would if I were you.” He pauses. “Ben said he came here,” he pauses again like he’s waiting for me to say something. He continues when I don’t. “He told me you quit school and that you’re moving in with Rachel.”
“Why does he tell everybody everything?” I roll my eyes and stand. “Except me, of course.” I add with a sigh.
“He’s just looking out for you,” he says and stands with me. “So tell me about it.”
“Jordan drove Anne home and stopped over to make sure everything was okay. I said it was but Lucky took a liking to him and he drove all this way…” I let it hang there.
“And do you like him?”
“Of course I like him,” I nod. “He’s a good guy and that was nice of him to show concern for somebody he doesn’t know.”
“They’re coming today, you know,” he hints.
“Yeah,” I admit. “I left my hoodie in his car.”
“His car?” He raises his eyebrows. “Why were you in his car?”
“We went to the lake.” I keep my eyes on his hoping they don’t show guilt or fear.
He nods and bites the inside of his cheek.
“It wasn’t anything like that, Danny. It wasn’t even a thing,” I reach for his hand and he lets me take it. “I just felt awkward and he was throwing the ball for Lucky and we were talking about stupid things and I didn’t know what to do so I asked if he wanted to go to the lake.”
“You say he doesn’t know you but that’s a sure sign that he wants to,” he swings my hand back and forth a little. Maybe to show that he’s not mad at me.
I shrug.
“Maybe that’s not such a bad thing for you,” he suggests.
“What isn’t?” I scoff like I’m not interested.
“That a good guy wants to get to know you,” he says and pulls me to him.
I wrap my arms around his familiar waist and tuck my cheek against his familiar chest. He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.
“I love you,” I tell him and breathe in his familiar scent.
“I know you do,” he says and sniffs my hair.
“So don’t be stupid.” I smack his ass and laugh.
He backs out of our embrace. “You’re beautiful,” he says and I feel myself blush for some reason. “You deserve a guy who isn’t stupid.”
“Maybe so but I love you and we’re not having this discussion,” I tell him and touch his arm. “Least of all about Jordan Staal.”
“What about Jordan Staal?” I hear a voice behind us ask.
I close my eyes and curse the world. Silently. Then I just take a deep breath and turn to see Danny walking over to greet Tyler who’s peeking around the door.
“Oh nothing,” Danny covers for me. “We were just talking about the season. Nothing you guys want to talk about.”
