Danny shakes my hand and claps my shoulder like he did with all the other guys. I think his grip is probably stronger and his shoulder clap was a little harder with me though. Maybe it’s a warning. Or maybe it’s my imagination.
“I assume you all know how to use the machines,” he says to us. We all tell him we do. “So does anybody want to get in the ring?” He has a glimmer in his eye when he says this. He’s probably hoping I’ll get in there with him.
“Hell yes,” Deryk says like it’s always been a dream of his for an MMA fighter to ask permission to kick his ass.
“We’re not going to really hit each other,” Danny informs him. “I mean, not hard. I’ve seen you punch. I’m not eager to be on the receiving end of that.”
“Uh yeah, me neither, man,” Deryk agrees. “I don’t think the coaches would like it if I got banged up pretend fighting.”
I’m watching them taping up their fists and putting those funny little helmets on when Carly walks over to me. She stands in front of me but off to the side, so I can still see the guys in the ring. I pretend I’m still watching them.
“Hey,” she says quietly. I shift my eyes to her. “I left my hoodie in your car,” she tells me. I’m kind of surprised when she says it. I force myself to not look to see if Danny is coming at me with taped up fists.
“Oh yeah,” I say like I forgot. “I put it in my bag.” Which I did actually forget to bring in with me. “I… uh… left it in the car.”
So I just turn and start walking out to the driveway. She follows me.
“Oh you didn’t have to come out here,” I tell her.
She shrugs. “What am I going to do in there?”
I don’t ask her what she was planning on doing in there in the first place. I open the door and as I’m opening my bag she starts talking.
“Danny asked me if I was breaking up with him. Ben told him about you coming over and me quitting school and moving in with Rachel. I don’t know why he always has to tell everybody my business but never tells me anything.” She’s angry. It’s pretty easy to tell.
“Are you?” I ask.
“Am I what? Moving out?”
I think maybe she’s trying to make me actually ask her if she’s breaking up with her boyfriend. But I look at her and I really believe she doesn’t know which part I’m asking about. Now I’m not sure if I should ask.
So I just say, “Yeah.”
She nods and starts walking back to the door. I walk beside her, careful to look straight ahead.
“Yes, I’m finally moving out of my parents’ house.” She smiles and looks over at me. I smile back at her.
“What about the fear of floating away?”
“Maybe that’s not such a bad thing,” she says and throws the door open.
Danny looks over and she holds up the sweatshirt. Deryk took the opportunity to throw a fist. As soon as Danny turned his head, Deryk’s fist connected with the right side of his jaw.
“Oh fuck,” Deryk says. “You weren’t supposed to turn your head back so fast.” He’s trying not to laugh.
“Damn, dude,” Danny laughs and touches his face with his hand.
“Sorry,” Deryk tells him before breaking into laughter.
I just shake my head and walk over to spot Benny. The weight he has on the bar looks like more than he should be trying to bench.
Carly runs over to the ring to check on Danny.
“Oh shit, Danny. Are you okay?” She asks him. I steal a glance in her direction as Benny lifts the bar easily. He smiles and I look down at his face and raise my eyebrows.
“Stronger than I look, eh?” He smirks.
“Impressive,” I tell him sincerely and place my hands on the bar as he lowers it.
I look over at Carly again. She puts her hands on Danny’s face when he kneels down to her. All the while, Deryk is trying unsuccessfully to stop laughing.
“Real funny, Engelland,” Carly glares at him. I think she’s kidding but it’s hard for me to tell.
“Your fault, lady,” he tells her. I assume he can tell that she is, in fact, kidding. He knows girls better than I do.
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Danny kneels to show me that he’s okay. I reach up to put my hands on his face. He turns his head to kiss the palm of my hand.
“All good, babe,” he smiles and jumps back up. “I owe you one now, Engo,” he says and takes his stance.
Deryk puts his hands up in mock fright. “It was an accident!” He exclaims and busts out laughing again.
I walk away from the ring and sit on the bench by the door. I pull out my phone and text Rachel.
Me: What are you doing?
Rachel: Working. Why?
Me: I’m sitting on the bench watching the boys work out.
Rachel: Boys? Or just one boy?
Me: Oh come on. Kris Letang is here all sweaty with his muscles bulging. If I’m only watching one, it’s that one.
Rachel: Not fair. Take pictures.
I snap a picture and send it to her.
Rachel: damn
Me: Right?
Rachel: What’s Jordan doing? Are you just going to sit there and watch them all day?
Me: Spotting TK. I feel stupid.
Rachel: Walk out and act like you’re doing something important. I have to go. Talk to you later.
I walk out the door and stand there. Now what? I stand there for a couple minutes and go back in.
Danny calls me over and asks me my opinion about the wingers for Sid conversation that they’re all having.
“Be careful how you answer!” TK tells me with a laugh.
“Tough crap, jackass, you’re my winger,” Jordan tells him and lets go of the bar. Tyler dramatically lowers the bar and Jordan gasps and grabs it. TK laughs.
“I don’t have an opinion. It will work itself out. In the meantime, I have no problems with Kunitz and Dupuis,” I tell them with a shrug.
“Told ya,” Danny tells them. “It doesn’t matter who plays with him.”
“No, I’m saying I think Kunitz and Dupuis are worthy,” I correct.
Kris gives me a wink and a nod of approval.
After a few minutes of needless debating, I go back to the bench and sit down. I realize that I’m forcing my eyes off of Jordan every ten seconds. I hang around for a while, staring at my hands and go outside again.
The second I walk in the door, Jordan looks my way and our eyes meet. He is so beautiful. TK gets up and Jordan adds more weight to the bar. He positions himself under it and TK stands behind him. I watch him lift the bar; his muscles bulging, his cheeks puffing out. I realize I’m staring and my mouth is hanging open. I close it and swallow before drool starts dripping down my chin. He smiles at me. There’s something happening between us and it isn’t something that I can ignore.
What about Danny? I dart my eyes in his direction. He’s not looking at me.
What about me? What if I end up getting hurt?
Worse yet, what if I end up hurting one of them?
I pull my phone out of my pocket and look at it like I have a message. Then I turn and go back outside. This time I walk into the woods and stomp my feet a bit before I come back in. When I do, Jordan is standing, toweling sweat off his face. I walk toward him. What am I doing? Why are my feet taking me this way?
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All I keep doing is stealing glances at her. She keeps leaving and coming back. I wonder where she goes but don’t ask her. Danny doesn’t even seem to notice.
What am I doing? I mean, even if the guy doesn’t want to kick my ass for trying to steal his girl, somebody is still going to get hurt. I have a feeling either way it’s going to end up being me. Forget the fact that I’m not ready for another relationship. The truth of the matter is I’ve never been good at them. I tried to be. I tried so hard but I just don’t understand girls.
I’m standing off to the side away from all the machines and benches, toweling sweat off when she comes back in. I look over and she starts walking toward me and I look away. She is making me want to understand.
“Staal, get your pansy ass over here and spot me,” Tanger yells from the other side of the gym.
“Sir, yes, sir,” I mock and smirk as I walk past Carly. Tanger understands girls. I put my hand on the bar and he rolls his eyes.
“Gotta be careful, my man,” he says quietly and pushes the bar up. “Don’t want it to be too obvious.”
“I didn’t do anything,” I whisper back.
“Not yet,” he says in a normal tone.
We finish our workouts and hang out for a bit to cool down. Everybody is comfortable and at ease with each other. It’s nice. Until our eyes meet. Every time our eyes meet, I tense up. I feel like it’s noticeable. Like it changes the quality of the air or something. So I stop looking at her. But then I feel like that’s noticeable too. Like it’s obvious that I’m forcing myself to not look at her.
I stand up and wipe my hands on my thighs.
“Ready?” Benny asks me. I think there’s pity in his smile.
We say our goodbyes and make plans to come back in a couple days. This is getting old. Why can’t I just tell them to come back without me?
Nobody talks about her the whole way home. I’m thankful for that because it lets me go full minutes at a time without even thinking about her.
