Chapter Eighteen

What was that supposed to mean? ‘See more of each other,’ he said; like it was a dare or something. Or maybe it’s just my mind racing about that bit of skin I saw between his shorts and shirt. I’m not sure why he’s having such an effect on me anyway. I try to remind myself that this is the guy I blame all Pens losses on. Even when he wasn’t playing… because then they lost because he wasn’t playing. But now here I am getting all flustered at a peek of his skin. What would I do if I ever saw him without a shirt? The thought gets me all jumpy and I feel like my palms are starting to sweat, so I drop Danny’s hand. And anyway, it’s not like I’ll ever see him without a shirt.

Danny and I walk around kind of aimlessly, mingling with different groups of people. His grip tightens on me whenever we approach new people. Sometimes his arm is draped over my shoulders and his hand grips my right shoulder. Sometimes he’s holding my hand, our fingers woven together, and the pressure of his grip makes my fingers straighten so I have to push my fingertips back against his hand.

I notice that it seems like every time I remember to pay attention, he has a full beer in his hand. I make a mental note of it even though I don’t know if it matters. I mean, I can drive us home. And really if nobody else is concerned that a drug addict is drinking too much, who am I to scold him about it? Besides, I’m a little afraid to bring it up.

A small sigh escapes my mouth. I bring my bottle up to my mouth and consciously take a sip instead of a gulp.

Deryk walks over to us, shakes Danny’s hand and claps him on the shoulder. I brace myself for the pressure against my knuckles but the squeeze doesn’t come. Even when Deryk leans in to kiss my cheek, Danny is relaxed. Deryk has a calming effect on him. Funny that the one guy here that could give him a run for his money in a fight is the only one that makes him feel comfortable.
“Hi Deryk,” I smile at him and he winks at me.

“Hey man, when do you think I can come work out with you?” Deryk’s question makes me brace myself for the tension again. But again it doesn’t come.

“Any time you want. Just give me a call,” Danny tells him. I think maybe I hear excitement in his voice.

The two of them start talking and I excuse myself to the bathroom. I’m in an empty hallway before I realize I don’t know where to go. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The fact that there’s nobody else within ten feet of me makes me feel better. I relax my shoulders and drop my head.


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There are so many people at this party now that I lost track of Carly. I keep looking over the tops of people’s heads trying to catch a glimpse of her. There are five or six girls in a tight circle around me. They’re giddy and drunk. I’ve tried to convince myself a few times to pick one of them but just can’t bring myself to do it. Not that they aren’t pretty enough. They’re just not her.

“Excuse me,” I push myself through the small, giddy circle.

“Promise you’ll come right back,” one of them calls after me.

I give them a thumbs up but don’t turn around. “Not happening,” I mumble to myself.

I turn the corner to walk down the hallway to Max’s bedroom. He has a private bathroom in there that nobody is supposed to use. I’m not nobody so I figure I can.

And there she is.

I’m struck dumb so I just stare at her back. Her head is slumped and she’s rocking it from side to side. All of her hair is draped over her right shoulder and the skinny straps on her dress reveal the skin I’ve been longing to touch, to kiss. The smooth skin on her left shoulder is particularly inviting.

I try to be quiet so I can watch her. I stop breathing just in case it’s too loud.

She brings her right hand across her chest to rub her left shoulder. I want to do it for her.

She drops her hands to her sides and spins around.

“Hi! I was looking for a bathroom and got a little crimp in my neck,” she says cheerfully. She’s not cheerful though. Her eyes give her away. Even in a dark hallway.

I want to walk towards her but I feel cemented in place again. This girl makes me stupid.

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I sense somebody coming towards me while I’m standing in the hallway. I feel like an idiot just standing there rolling my head around like some mentally deranged person.

I know it’s Jordan before I turn around. I don’t know how, but I can feel that it’s him. I let that sink in for about 100 years too long before I turn around.

“Hi,” I greet him happily because I am happy it’s him. I’m not happy that I’m happy it’s him but there it is. “I was looking for a bathroom and got a little crimp in my neck,” I tell him the truth. He doesn’t need to know that the crimp is from nerves. Or at least it was. It’s gone now.

“That’s how we met,” he says adorably. “I was looking for a bathroom.”

“We met and bonded over full bladders,” is my ridiculous response. We’re not bonded. I’m such a stupid girl.

“Want me to work it for you?” He finally takes a step towards me.

“Huh?” I have no idea what he’s talking about because nothing makes sense. Least of all the way he makes me feel completely at ease.

“The crimp in your neck,” he smiles. My heart races. “After I show you to the master bath, I mean.”

“Oh. No that’s okay. It’s all better.” I leave the rest unsaid, it went away because you calm me.

He stretches out his arm to direct me down the hall. His skin peeks through above the waist of his shorts. I resist the urge to fall to my knees or to reach out and trace my finger along his waistband. But my eyes stay glued. I’m aware that I’m staring but I can’t stop. My eyes refuse to move in case his skin shows again. I have to turn my whole body away.

“Thank you,” I tell him and start down the hall.

We approach a door and he says, “here,” as he’s reaching from behind me to push the door open. His arm grazes my shoulder and I feel myself gasp a little. His skin is hot against me. I feel like I start to sweat immediately.

The door opens to a huge bed and my eyes go wide. I may faint.

“uh… the bathroom is over to the right,” his voice shakes. “I’ll wait here,” he says and stays in the hallway. I open the bathroom door and hear him pull the bedroom door shut. I don’t know which side of the door he’s on.

I have to be in and out of this bathroom in one minute. I have one minute to remember how to breathe correctly. What is going on?

I rest my elbows on my knees and bury my face in my hands while I pee.

“Carly?” Danny’s voice comes through the door like somebody’s breaking it down.

Well. I’m exaggerating. He doesn’t yell or anything. I’m just surprised to hear his voice. Maybe I feel a little guilty.

“Yeah,” I answer. “I’m done. Just washing my hands.”

He opens the door and steps in. He comes toward me and waves a hand towards the door.

“You maybe should have locked that,” he laughs. “Unless, of course, you wanted him to follow you in.”

“I would have died!” I exclaim. It’s true.

“Think anybody would miss us if we stayed in here for a few minutes?” He asks with a gleam in his eye.

I walk over to the door, look over my shoulder at Danny and smile as I lock the door. He puts his hands under my dress to pull my panties down and I close my eyes. He lifts me onto the sink and I keep my eyes closed. He kisses my neck and pushes himself into me as far as he’ll go and I keep my eyes closed. I see Jordan’s face behind my closed eyes. I don’t know why it’s him. I don’t know where he came from but I’m not opening my eyes. I moan as Danny pushes a little deeper. I throw my head back with my eyes pointed at the ceiling in case they open by accident. I pretend the lips kissing my neck are Jordan's.

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Why does that guy always appear? Fucking Danny. I’d like to see this girl once without him around. Just once for more than one minute. I hear him open the bathroom door so I just leave. I don’t have to piss that bad anyway. Even if I did, I wouldn’t want to walk in there after they come out. I may never use that bathroom again.

“Yo Jordo!” A voice booms in my ear and a hand comes crashing down on my shoulder.

“’sup Engo?” My voice cracks.

“Whoa,” his eyes flash concern. “You crying, brother?”

“What?” I look at him like that’s the most absurd thing. “What do I have to cry about?” I bring my bottle up to my lips.

He shrugs. “Want to come with me on Tuesday?” He wags his eyebrows.

“Probably not,” I answer him after I swallow.

“No, you do. I’ll pick you up at eleven,” he says and walks away.

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I pull at the hem of my dress and open the bathroom door. Danny walks behind me with his hand on my back. I can’t look at him. I may never look at him again.

We go back to mingling and Danny squeezes my hand too tight.

“Where’s Lovejoy?” Rachel’s voice fills the room. She looks so comfortable. One more thing to envy her for.

She sees us and bops over.

“I’m borrowing her,” she tells Danny and pulls me away.

“I like Lovejoy,” she tells me as she’s dragging me around. “I’m still not sure how I feel about him as a player but he’s a great guy.”

I feel like she said that a little too loudly so I look around for Lovejoy. I don’t want him to be offended.

We fall into step and walk out onto the balcony. She pulls me into an empty corner.

“Jordan has a crush on you,” she blurts. “Don’t tell Danny.” Her eyes dart around. “Obviously.”

“What? He does not,” I roll my eyes but the butterflies are fluttering all around my insides. I swallow a squeal.

“I heard,” she pauses. “I overheard those exact words. Exact. ‘Jordan has a crush on that Carly chick.’”

“Thanks for telling me,” I say because what am I supposed to say.

“Of course,” she nods.

Neither of us says anything for a few beats.

“Now what,” she asks when I finally look at her.