Chapter Twenty

Somehow I’m not surprised when I hear a car pull into the driveway. I hope my parents are still awake because there’s no way to keep Lucky from barking.

“Be quiet, Lucky,” I tell him and pat my leg for him to walk with me. He growls the whole way to the front of the house.

I wasn’t surprised to hear a car pull in but I am surprised to see that it isn’t Ben or Rachel. I don’t recognize the car but it’s fancy. My mouth falls open when I see that it’s Jordan. He’s just sitting there. Maybe he’s afraid of Lucky.

“It’s okay, buddy. It’s just Jordan.” I pat Lucky on his head and he looks up at me. He has no idea who Jordan is.

I watch him watch me walk over to the driver’s side of the car and he opens the door. The second he gets out of the car and closes the door, Lucky runs over to him and jumps on him, pushing him against it.

“Hey buddy,” Jordan says to Lucky with no fear. Lucky appreciates that. I can tell by the wag of his tail.

“Hi,” he finally says to me. “I was sent here to check on you.”

“Did you take Anne home,” I ask and he nods. “Thanks.”

“No problem. So,” he blows air out from between his lips. “How are you? Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” I don’t know what else to say but I have to say something. He drove all this way. “Sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye when we left the party. We tried to make sure we saw everybody but…”

“No, no. It’s okay,” he says with a wave of his hand.

Neither of us says anything. Lucky is dying to wrestle with Jordan. Jordan’s roughing him up, play-pushing him.

“You want to go to the backyard,” I ask with a directional point of my thumb. “Looks like Lucky wants you to play.”

He doesn’t say anything; just nods his head and follows my lead. Lucky runs ahead of us and runs through the open gate to his fence. I wait for Jordan to come in and then I close the gate behind us.

“So thanks for stopping by,” I say awkwardly. “This is really sweet of you.”

“Yeah,” he says and wipes his hands on his shorts. “Anne thought you might need somebody to talk to.” He cringes a little after he says it, like he’s not sure if he should have.

“That’s weird,” I reply. His eyes shift away from me and his expression changes a little. “Oh,” I catch what I said. “I don’t mean it’s weird that I would want to talk… to you.”

“Oh no, I know what you meant,” he looks back at me and I think I might see a little bit of relief in eyes. “Weird that she would… that it was her that said… that Anne said I…”

“Right,” I interrupt to relieve him some more. “Like weird that she would care. Or know, even.”

“Sorry if it’s wrong for me to stop by.” He throws the ball for Lucky and wipes his hands on his shorts again. “I had to m… I wanted to see if you were okay.”

“Yep,” I smile.

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When I pulled into her driveway and saw the light on in the backyard, I froze. I was clutching the steering wheel with both hands so tightly my knuckles started turning white. I was watching them change color when I saw her walking towards me. She has her hair pulled back now and I was watching her ponytail swing from side to side while she walked. Her big, dumb dog walking alongside her trying to be threatening. I don’t mean that in a bad way. I love dogs. Boxers always have that look though. I just sat there in my car until she came to rescue me from being creepy.

I’m tossing the ball around the yard for Lucky and my palms keep sweating. I want to know if I can help her in some way. If I could date her in some way. If I could sling her over my shoulder and carry her into the woods to fuck her. I want to know anything. Something. Everything.

But she says she’s fine and why would she open up to me anyway. So I just say, “Alright. I guess I’ll go.” I wipe my hands on my shorts again. “Long drive home.” I smile, hoping she’ll ask me to stay.

“Or you could stay,” she says and looks down. “I mean, if you want to. Lucky seems to like you and it is still pretty early.” She looks down at her wrist and then around the yard like she’s looking for something. “I guess it is. I don’t know… do you know what time it is?” I shake my head. “Probably about midnight, huh? But that’s still early. Do you want a water or a Pepsi or something? Wine? I don’t know if there’s beer in…”

“Water would be spectacular,” I tell her mostly to get her to stop talking so fast. She keeps waving her hands around too. Probably something she does when she gets nervous. I’m supposed to be here to calm her down though, not to make her nervous. But wait. Spectacular? Water would be spectacular? Oh motherfuck I am an idiot. I sigh and smile as she walks past me and into the house.

Lucky stops in the middle of the yard and looks at the door. He drops his ball and tilts his head.

“She just went to get me some spectacular water,” I tell him and he looks at me and tilts his head again. “Yeah, I don’t know why I said it either.”

“That reminded me of an episode of Friends,” Carly says from behind me. “When Chandler was stuck in the lobby with that model. ‘Gum would be perfection’. That’s what he told her. Spectacular water. Perfect gum.” She giggles and hands me the bottle. Then her eyes go wide like something startled her. “Not that I’m comparing you to Chandler or me to a model…”

“I saw that episode,” I ease her. “The One With the Blackout,” I say just to share my Friends knowledge. She smiles.

“So you’re a friends geek too,” she says and sits on the step.

“No,” I sit beside her. “Well, I mean, I’ve seen some of them and I remember some of the titles. I couldn’t run dialogue from every episode.”

“I couldn’t either but a lot of things remind me of episodes.” Her voice starts to trail off at the end like she’s bored with the conversation.

“Are you okay out here?” She asks and waves her hand toward the house. “We could go inside.”

Her parents live here though.

“Nah,” I shake my head. “It’s nice out.”

“We could go to the lake,” she suggests brilliantly.

“Oh wow. I would love to do that,” I answer honestly.

“It’s kind of a long walk,” she says. “And we’d have to walk past Danny’s house and I don’t know how he’d feel about…”

“I’ll just drive us over,” I interrupt to keep her from talking about Danny’s feelings.

“But Lucky…”

“Can ride in the backseat,” I finish her sentence.

She bounces up from the step and runs in the house. Lucky drops his ball in the yard again. Poor guy.

“Want to go to the lake?” I ask him and he sprints over to me and tackles me.

I’m lying on my back with him on top of me when Carly comes back out with his leash and a zipper hoodie.

“Guess you told him he was going somewhere,” she laughs.

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I don’t know what I’m doing with him here, at the lake. The lake we have been hanging around since we were kids. It feels like a betrayal. Or it does when I’m not looking at Jordan. He looks like he belongs here. Sitting on the bench looking at the stars reflecting off the still water. Sitting beside me.

“I’ll miss this place so much,” I blurt to break the silence.

“Miss it?” I broke his concentration. He looks from the water to my face. He’s leaning forward and the palms of his hands are pressing down and he's gripping the edge of the bench. I can’t tell if he’s thinking of using the bench to push off of or if he’s using it to hang on.

“Yeah,” I answer, still looking at his hands. “I know I can’t live at my parents’ house forever. Same pink bedroom I’ve had since I was three or however many years old.” I leave the conversation there and look up at his face. His eyes invite me to talk more. “I’m afraid to leave, I guess.”

“Afraid?” Heaven help me, he’s beautiful.

“I don’t know,” I pause because I really don’t know how to explain it to him. “I guess I’m afraid I’ll forget who I am.”

“Who you are isn’t connected to where you live,” he tells me sincerely. But he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. How could he?

“I feel free to be myself here.”

“So you are afraid to grow up?” He asks me… or sort of asks.

“No. I’m afraid that when I leave here,” I don’t know what else to say; how to finish the sentence. “I’m afraid when I leave here… my home… that I’ll become somebody else.”

“How so,” he asks and sits back. I turn towards him and put my left knee on the bench.

“I don’t know. I guess I feel grounded here.” I don’t know what to do with my hands so I fold them in my lap. “Maybe I am afraid to grow up. Or like if I leave there won’t be anything to,” I can’t think of the word so I bite my bottom lip and pick at my cuticles.

“Anchor,” he says. I look up at him and our eyes meet.

“Right,” I peel my eyes away from his. “Like there won’t be anything to hold me down.”

“And you’ll just float away,” he says like he gets it.

Our eyes meet again and I nod. I want to touch his face so I look down at my hands.

“Does Danny do that for you,” he asks quietly. “Ground you?”

I think for a minute and shake my head.

“He’s familiar,” I confess.

“You can talk to me,” he offers. I look over at him and he’s looking at the water again. Lucky’s lying on the ground at his feet.

“You made a friend,” I say and he looks down at Lucky.

“I hope I made two.” His eyes move from Lucky to me.

“Yeah,” I confirm. “You’re a good guy, Jordan Staal.”

He nods in agreement. “But don’t tell anybody,” he squints at me.

I make like I’m using a key to lock my lips and throw the key in the lake. There’s a rumble of thunder.

“Key made a loud noise when it hit the water,” Jordan jokes.

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I feel a drop on my arm so I suggest we get her back home.

“We should go,” I stand up and grab Lucky’s leash. He stands with me without question.

We start walking the short distance to the car. She’s walking beside me with her arms crossed in front of her. Maybe she’s cold. Her hoodie never made it out of the car.

“Thank you,” she says and bumps me with her shoulder.

“Anytime,” I answer with a bump back. “And I mean that.”

I let Lucky in the backseat and get behind the steering wheel just as the skies open. I look over to the passenger side and Carly’s standing about fifteen feet from the car. Her arms are spread open wide and her head is tilted all the way back. She’s soaking wet before I even push the button to put the window down.

“What the fuck?” I yell.

“I love the rain!” She yells back.

Lucky barks.

“This girl is nuts,” I tell him. He barks again. “Yeah you know that already.”

“I’ll pop the trunk. There should be a towel or blanket or something back there,” I yell out to her because I’ll be damned if I’m stepping out in this.

I dread the rain. I hate walking in it. I hate driving in it. I hate the smell of wet things… most wet things. Especially though, I hate thunder and lightning and how it scares some kids and dogs. We had a dog when I was growing up that was terrified of thunderstorms. We tried everything to calm him down. Nothing worked. I guess I grew up hating thunderstorms and that grew to me hating rain altogether.

But watching this girl stand in the rain could change my mind. She’s not making a move to get in the car. I wonder what it feels like to wear soaking wet cowboy boots.

“Stay in the car,” I say to Lucky and get out to check the trunk. Towel, blanket, umbrella, spare shirt. Good shape.

I open the umbrella and hold it over my head and carry the towel over to her.

“Carly, come on,” I say and offer her the towel.

She giggles and leaps towards me, splashing in a puddle. I hold the umbrella out as much as I can and she steps under it.

“Sorry,” she looks up at me. We’re about six inches apart, face to face, sharing an umbrella.

“For what?”

“Standing in the rain like a lunatic,” she laughs. “And that puddle was a total accident.”

“You’re wet,” I inform her and wrap the towel around her shoulders. My hand rests on her shoulder for about five hours too long.

She’s still looking in my eyes as she bites her bottom lip. I don’t think it’s meant to be seductive but if I don’t step away…

“Let’s get you home so you can change.” I guide her to the passenger side door.

“Oh Jordan, I don’t want to get your car all wet,” she turns back around to me.

“It’ll dry,” I smile at her. “Just get in.”

She lays the towel carefully on the seat and gets in. Lucky barks at her.

My phone vibrates in my pocket on my way over to the driver’s side. I figure it’s Letang so I just let it go to voicemail. He can add two plus two.

“We’ll have to go back there one day when it’s dry,” I suggest after I get back in the car.

“Oh for sure,” she says happily. “We have so much fun there.”

“Doing what?” I cringe because I’m afraid of the answer.

“Oh you know,” she giggles. “Nothing really.”

Neither of us says anything on our way back to her house. The ride feels like it takes too long to not say anything. It doesn’t, of course, it’s maybe a minute or two.

“Sorry about your car,” she says and pouts out her bottom lip.

“No big deal,” I smile.


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His smile could be my undoing. I have to get out of the car so I just open the door and jump out. Jordan reaches back to pat Lucky on the head before I give his leash a yank and he jumps out behind me.

“Thanks for stopping by,” I bend over to give him a smile and a wave before I close the car door and run to the backyard.

If you’d have told me a week ago that I would feel this strongly about a guy I didn’t know yet, I’d have told you that you’re crazy. But here we are. It makes me feel insecure somehow. Unstable. Like my head and my heart are turning on me. Who can you trust if you can’t trust yourself?

I guess the argument could be made that we all know a little something about public figures so when we meet them we feel like we know them already. But not like this. Not like I want to climb into his lap and nuzzle my face in his neck. And somehow I feel like he would be totally okay with me doing that.

I’m in the house before I realize I left my sweatshirt in his car.