Chapter Twenty

Somehow I’m not surprised when I hear a car pull into the driveway. I hope my parents are still awake because there’s no way to keep Lucky from barking.

“Be quiet, Lucky,” I tell him and pat my leg for him to walk with me. He growls the whole way to the front of the house.

I wasn’t surprised to hear a car pull in but I am surprised to see that it isn’t Ben or Rachel. I don’t recognize the car but it’s fancy. My mouth falls open when I see that it’s Jordan. He’s just sitting there. Maybe he’s afraid of Lucky.

“It’s okay, buddy. It’s just Jordan.” I pat Lucky on his head and he looks up at me. He has no idea who Jordan is.

I watch him watch me walk over to the driver’s side of the car and he opens the door. The second he gets out of the car and closes the door, Lucky runs over to him and jumps on him, pushing him against it.

“Hey buddy,” Jordan says to Lucky with no fear. Lucky appreciates that. I can tell by the wag of his tail.

“Hi,” he finally says to me. “I was sent here to check on you.”

“Did you take Anne home,” I ask and he nods. “Thanks.”

“No problem. So,” he blows air out from between his lips. “How are you? Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” I don’t know what else to say but I have to say something. He drove all this way. “Sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye when we left the party. We tried to make sure we saw everybody but…”

“No, no. It’s okay,” he says with a wave of his hand.

Neither of us says anything. Lucky is dying to wrestle with Jordan. Jordan’s roughing him up, play-pushing him.

“You want to go to the backyard,” I ask with a directional point of my thumb. “Looks like Lucky wants you to play.”

He doesn’t say anything; just nods his head and follows my lead. Lucky runs ahead of us and runs through the open gate to his fence. I wait for Jordan to come in and then I close the gate behind us.

“So thanks for stopping by,” I say awkwardly. “This is really sweet of you.”

“Yeah,” he says and wipes his hands on his shorts. “Anne thought you might need somebody to talk to.” He cringes a little after he says it, like he’s not sure if he should have.

“That’s weird,” I reply. His eyes shift away from me and his expression changes a little. “Oh,” I catch what I said. “I don’t mean it’s weird that I would want to talk… to you.”

“Oh no, I know what you meant,” he looks back at me and I think I might see a little bit of relief in eyes. “Weird that she would… that it was her that said… that Anne said I…”

“Right,” I interrupt to relieve him some more. “Like weird that she would care. Or know, even.”

“Sorry if it’s wrong for me to stop by.” He throws the ball for Lucky and wipes his hands on his shorts again. “I had to m… I wanted to see if you were okay.”

“Yep,” I smile.

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When I pulled into her driveway and saw the light on in the backyard, I froze. I was clutching the steering wheel with both hands so tightly my knuckles started turning white. I was watching them change color when I saw her walking towards me. She has her hair pulled back now and I was watching her ponytail swing from side to side while she walked. Her big, dumb dog walking alongside her trying to be threatening. I don’t mean that in a bad way. I love dogs. Boxers always have that look though. I just sat there in my car until she came to rescue me from being creepy.

I’m tossing the ball around the yard for Lucky and my palms keep sweating. I want to know if I can help her in some way. If I could date her in some way. If I could sling her over my shoulder and carry her into the woods to fuck her. I want to know anything. Something. Everything.

But she says she’s fine and why would she open up to me anyway. So I just say, “Alright. I guess I’ll go.” I wipe my hands on my shorts again. “Long drive home.” I smile, hoping she’ll ask me to stay.

“Or you could stay,” she says and looks down. “I mean, if you want to. Lucky seems to like you and it is still pretty early.” She looks down at her wrist and then around the yard like she’s looking for something. “I guess it is. I don’t know… do you know what time it is?” I shake my head. “Probably about midnight, huh? But that’s still early. Do you want a water or a Pepsi or something? Wine? I don’t know if there’s beer in…”

“Water would be spectacular,” I tell her mostly to get her to stop talking so fast. She keeps waving her hands around too. Probably something she does when she gets nervous. I’m supposed to be here to calm her down though, not to make her nervous. But wait. Spectacular? Water would be spectacular? Oh motherfuck I am an idiot. I sigh and smile as she walks past me and into the house.

Lucky stops in the middle of the yard and looks at the door. He drops his ball and tilts his head.

“She just went to get me some spectacular water,” I tell him and he looks at me and tilts his head again. “Yeah, I don’t know why I said it either.”

“That reminded me of an episode of Friends,” Carly says from behind me. “When Chandler was stuck in the lobby with that model. ‘Gum would be perfection’. That’s what he told her. Spectacular water. Perfect gum.” She giggles and hands me the bottle. Then her eyes go wide like something startled her. “Not that I’m comparing you to Chandler or me to a model…”

“I saw that episode,” I ease her. “The One With the Blackout,” I say just to share my Friends knowledge. She smiles.

“So you’re a friends geek too,” she says and sits on the step.

“No,” I sit beside her. “Well, I mean, I’ve seen some of them and I remember some of the titles. I couldn’t run dialogue from every episode.”

“I couldn’t either but a lot of things remind me of episodes.” Her voice starts to trail off at the end like she’s bored with the conversation.

“Are you okay out here?” She asks and waves her hand toward the house. “We could go inside.”

Her parents live here though.

“Nah,” I shake my head. “It’s nice out.”

“We could go to the lake,” she suggests brilliantly.

“Oh wow. I would love to do that,” I answer honestly.

“It’s kind of a long walk,” she says. “And we’d have to walk past Danny’s house and I don’t know how he’d feel about…”

“I’ll just drive us over,” I interrupt to keep her from talking about Danny’s feelings.

“But Lucky…”

“Can ride in the backseat,” I finish her sentence.

She bounces up from the step and runs in the house. Lucky drops his ball in the yard again. Poor guy.

“Want to go to the lake?” I ask him and he sprints over to me and tackles me.

I’m lying on my back with him on top of me when Carly comes back out with his leash and a zipper hoodie.

“Guess you told him he was going somewhere,” she laughs.

-------------------------------------------

I don’t know what I’m doing with him here, at the lake. The lake we have been hanging around since we were kids. It feels like a betrayal. Or it does when I’m not looking at Jordan. He looks like he belongs here. Sitting on the bench looking at the stars reflecting off the still water. Sitting beside me.

“I’ll miss this place so much,” I blurt to break the silence.

“Miss it?” I broke his concentration. He looks from the water to my face. He’s leaning forward and the palms of his hands are pressing down and he's gripping the edge of the bench. I can’t tell if he’s thinking of using the bench to push off of or if he’s using it to hang on.

“Yeah,” I answer, still looking at his hands. “I know I can’t live at my parents’ house forever. Same pink bedroom I’ve had since I was three or however many years old.” I leave the conversation there and look up at his face. His eyes invite me to talk more. “I’m afraid to leave, I guess.”

“Afraid?” Heaven help me, he’s beautiful.

“I don’t know,” I pause because I really don’t know how to explain it to him. “I guess I’m afraid I’ll forget who I am.”

“Who you are isn’t connected to where you live,” he tells me sincerely. But he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. How could he?

“I feel free to be myself here.”

“So you are afraid to grow up?” He asks me… or sort of asks.

“No. I’m afraid that when I leave here,” I don’t know what else to say; how to finish the sentence. “I’m afraid when I leave here… my home… that I’ll become somebody else.”

“How so,” he asks and sits back. I turn towards him and put my left knee on the bench.

“I don’t know. I guess I feel grounded here.” I don’t know what to do with my hands so I fold them in my lap. “Maybe I am afraid to grow up. Or like if I leave there won’t be anything to,” I can’t think of the word so I bite my bottom lip and pick at my cuticles.

“Anchor,” he says. I look up at him and our eyes meet.

“Right,” I peel my eyes away from his. “Like there won’t be anything to hold me down.”

“And you’ll just float away,” he says like he gets it.

Our eyes meet again and I nod. I want to touch his face so I look down at my hands.

“Does Danny do that for you,” he asks quietly. “Ground you?”

I think for a minute and shake my head.

“He’s familiar,” I confess.

“You can talk to me,” he offers. I look over at him and he’s looking at the water again. Lucky’s lying on the ground at his feet.

“You made a friend,” I say and he looks down at Lucky.

“I hope I made two.” His eyes move from Lucky to me.

“Yeah,” I confirm. “You’re a good guy, Jordan Staal.”

He nods in agreement. “But don’t tell anybody,” he squints at me.

I make like I’m using a key to lock my lips and throw the key in the lake. There’s a rumble of thunder.

“Key made a loud noise when it hit the water,” Jordan jokes.

----------------------------------


I feel a drop on my arm so I suggest we get her back home.

“We should go,” I stand up and grab Lucky’s leash. He stands with me without question.

We start walking the short distance to the car. She’s walking beside me with her arms crossed in front of her. Maybe she’s cold. Her hoodie never made it out of the car.

“Thank you,” she says and bumps me with her shoulder.

“Anytime,” I answer with a bump back. “And I mean that.”

I let Lucky in the backseat and get behind the steering wheel just as the skies open. I look over to the passenger side and Carly’s standing about fifteen feet from the car. Her arms are spread open wide and her head is tilted all the way back. She’s soaking wet before I even push the button to put the window down.

“What the fuck?” I yell.

“I love the rain!” She yells back.

Lucky barks.

“This girl is nuts,” I tell him. He barks again. “Yeah you know that already.”

“I’ll pop the trunk. There should be a towel or blanket or something back there,” I yell out to her because I’ll be damned if I’m stepping out in this.

I dread the rain. I hate walking in it. I hate driving in it. I hate the smell of wet things… most wet things. Especially though, I hate thunder and lightning and how it scares some kids and dogs. We had a dog when I was growing up that was terrified of thunderstorms. We tried everything to calm him down. Nothing worked. I guess I grew up hating thunderstorms and that grew to me hating rain altogether.

But watching this girl stand in the rain could change my mind. She’s not making a move to get in the car. I wonder what it feels like to wear soaking wet cowboy boots.

“Stay in the car,” I say to Lucky and get out to check the trunk. Towel, blanket, umbrella, spare shirt. Good shape.

I open the umbrella and hold it over my head and carry the towel over to her.

“Carly, come on,” I say and offer her the towel.

She giggles and leaps towards me, splashing in a puddle. I hold the umbrella out as much as I can and she steps under it.

“Sorry,” she looks up at me. We’re about six inches apart, face to face, sharing an umbrella.

“For what?”

“Standing in the rain like a lunatic,” she laughs. “And that puddle was a total accident.”

“You’re wet,” I inform her and wrap the towel around her shoulders. My hand rests on her shoulder for about five hours too long.

She’s still looking in my eyes as she bites her bottom lip. I don’t think it’s meant to be seductive but if I don’t step away…

“Let’s get you home so you can change.” I guide her to the passenger side door.

“Oh Jordan, I don’t want to get your car all wet,” she turns back around to me.

“It’ll dry,” I smile at her. “Just get in.”

She lays the towel carefully on the seat and gets in. Lucky barks at her.

My phone vibrates in my pocket on my way over to the driver’s side. I figure it’s Letang so I just let it go to voicemail. He can add two plus two.

“We’ll have to go back there one day when it’s dry,” I suggest after I get back in the car.

“Oh for sure,” she says happily. “We have so much fun there.”

“Doing what?” I cringe because I’m afraid of the answer.

“Oh you know,” she giggles. “Nothing really.”

Neither of us says anything on our way back to her house. The ride feels like it takes too long to not say anything. It doesn’t, of course, it’s maybe a minute or two.

“Sorry about your car,” she says and pouts out her bottom lip.

“No big deal,” I smile.


--------------

His smile could be my undoing. I have to get out of the car so I just open the door and jump out. Jordan reaches back to pat Lucky on the head before I give his leash a yank and he jumps out behind me.

“Thanks for stopping by,” I bend over to give him a smile and a wave before I close the car door and run to the backyard.

If you’d have told me a week ago that I would feel this strongly about a guy I didn’t know yet, I’d have told you that you’re crazy. But here we are. It makes me feel insecure somehow. Unstable. Like my head and my heart are turning on me. Who can you trust if you can’t trust yourself?

I guess the argument could be made that we all know a little something about public figures so when we meet them we feel like we know them already. But not like this. Not like I want to climb into his lap and nuzzle my face in his neck. And somehow I feel like he would be totally okay with me doing that.

I’m in the house before I realize I left my sweatshirt in his car.

Chapter Nineteen

"What do you mean what now? Now nothing," I shake my head and remove myself from the corner. I scurry through the crowd looking for Danny.

Jordan has a crush on me. I feel like Bella when Edward gave her the time of day... or like a thirteen year old. My heart is jumping and the butterflies are doing somersaults all through my stomach.

I find Danny talking with Brooks Orpik. He smiles at me and raises his arm for me to crawl under. What am I thinking? I love him. I wrap my arms around his waist and fit my shoulder in his armpit. He kisses me on top of my head.

I don't hear what they're saying; Brooks and Danny. I don't hear what they're saying because I'm straining to hear the conversation Deryk is having with Jordan about twenty feet away. I can't hear anything they're saying and all I can see is Jordan's back. Literally. All I can see is Jordan's back. He stretches his arms above his head and his shirt lifts. I close my eyes.

-------------

"What's the difference, man," I ask Engo.

"What do you mean? I'm genuinely interested in working out with this guy. I figured you would want the opportunity to get to know the girl," Engo shrugs.

"His girl," I remind him.

"Yeah but we don't know what's going on there," he tilts his bottle in their direction. I know they're behind me talking to Orps. I can't look at her right now though so I chose to face this way. "She's staring at you, my man. Maybe she thinks you're too tall for me to see over or something. Or maybe she thinks I don't notice where her eyes are." He takes a gulp and shakes his head slightly. "Her eyes are fixed right on you. They have been."

"I don't know, man," I growl and stretch. This is exhausting. "I can't be that guy. Me and Heather..."

"unh uh," Deryk interrupts. "Those were different circumstances. Don't go there now."

Letang walks over to us without anybody attached to him.

"Where's your date?" I ask him glad to have a new topic of conversation.

He shrugs and looks around the room.

"I really like her," he says quietly. He shifts his eyes from me to Deryk and back to me again waiting for an objection.

"Cool," Deryk says and clinks his bottle against Kris'. I do the same and smile. Far be it from me to mention that I think she's evil and has giant teeth. He can look out for himself.

"Don't get hurt," is all I say.

"Incoming," Kris says and steps aside.

Danny and Carly step up to us. She's firmly placed under his arm. He stands so she's right beside me. I shift my weight to my right leg, away from them. Deryk and Danny talk. Letang chimes in but Carly and I stay silent. Deryk keeps glancing over at me. All I can hear is my heart pounding in my chest. All I can smell is the sex they were just having. It's nauseating me. I'm uncomfortable. Deryk elbows Letang slightly and points his head slyly to the sliding glass doors.

"Hey Jordan, I wanted to show you this thing," Kris stammers. "... outside."

"Right," I say. I give a three-fingered wave with the hand that has a death grip on my beer bottle and walk out the door.

Thank God for drunk Geno because I'm able to laugh at his stories for the rest of the night. Blissfully unaware what she's doing and with whom. Not that the second part is a mystery. Or the first part. Seems like all they ever do is fuck. I sure have a lot of nerve being jealous of a guy that was her boyfriend for who knows how long before I even met her. I just can't help it. When you know, you know. Or when you think you know, you want to find out. And it's hard to find out when I can't see this girl without her boyfriend around.

----------------

I feel like I'm swallowing, breathing and blinking too loudly the whole time Jordan is standing there. I imagine that he didn't mean to move away from me when we walked over to them. Nevertheless it made me nervous. Like he doesn't want me around.

Then Deryk mentions Jordan's name and suddenly I can hear their voices.

"Are you all coming?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "Oh I don't know. Jordan and Kris are the only ones I've really talked to about it. I hope that's okay." He's looking at me though.

I shrug. "Not my gym."

"But we'll be stealing your guy for hours at a time," Deryk winks at me again.

"She won't miss me," Danny laughs and bumps his hip against me.

"hmm mmmm. Nope, I won't," I kid. "But what do you mean you'll be stealing him? I'm allowed to watch, right?"

"Sure, if you can stand being around a bunch of hot, sweaty guys," Deryk laughs.

I tickle Danny's side and he squints at me playfully.

"Hot being the key word there," I giggle.

"Oh gee, how will she ever stand it," Danny asks and rolls his eyes.

The rest of the night goes this way. Danny and I walking around, his arm around me, talking with different guys on the team. We never approached Jordan again and he never approached us. I’ve been unable to shed the feeling that he’s actively avoiding me.

Anne smiles a lot when she’s with Kris. Who wouldn’t? He’s beautiful and his personality is warm and inviting. Just one smile and you feel special. I can obviously see what she sees in him. And frankly, he looks happy to be with her too. I’m trying not to judge because I really don’t know her well enough to think that makes him stupid.

Ben and Rachel left an hour ago and asked us if we would mind taking her home. I’m driving so I took the liberty to tell them it would not be a problem.

We say our goodbyes to everybody. Well, everybody except Jordan because he’s “taking a leak”.

The second the car doors close, Danny sits sideways in his seat.

“Why are you hanging around us,” he spits at Anne.

She doesn’t react the way I would expect. She just leans back against the backseat and sighs.

I suddenly feel the need to defend her. “What are you talking about, Danny? She’s just…”

“I’m not talking to you, Carly,” he spins his head towards me. “I’m asking Anne here why she’s in my car. Hanging around my best friend.” He turns his head slowly back towards her. Like he’s daring her to open her mouth to answer.

“You are a crazy person,” she says calmly.

“I’m crazy,” he says in a raised voice. “Are you fucking kidding me you psychotic bitch?” He turns his head back to me and laughs. “I’m crazy,” he says like he isn’t being the crazy one.

“Unless your best friend is Kris Letang all of a sudden, this is coming out of nowhere,” she tells him. He opens his mouth but I interrupt.

“Danny, she didn’t do anything wrong,” I say in what I’m hoping is a soothing voice. But I guess it’s not because it doesn’t work.

“She didn’t do anything wrong,” he asks and I shake my head. “She’s inviting herself to parties and following me around.”

I look back at her and she’s shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

“Babe, I don’t think that’s what she’s do…”

“Why are you speaking for her? You don‘t speak for her!”

I jerk back from the shock of him yelling at me.

“Don’t you dare yell at her you fucking loser,” Anne speaks up and leans forward. He turns his head and she glares at him.

“Don’t you dare treat her the way you treated me,” she points her finger at his face and then jabs him in the chest with it. I feel like hiding my face in my hands.

He gets out of the car and lifts the seat forward.

“Get out,” he tells her.

Before she does though, she leans towards me.

“Don’t leave yet. I don’t want you driving all that way alone with him,” she tells me in a low voice.

“I’ll be fine,” I tell her. He would never hurt me. “It’s fine.” That’s what Ben said. “Will you be okay?”

She looks in my eyes for what feels like ten minutes and nods. “I’ll be fine,” she sighs.

“Get out,” Danny says again.

She looks at me again and touches my arm on her way out of the car.

-------------------------------

I’m sitting in Max’s front room. His “parlor” he calls it. Geno is getting ready to leave and I’m listening to one last story. The door opens and Anne walks through it. I wait for Carly to walk in behind her but she doesn’t.

“Hi,” she says softly and turns to me. “Sorry. Do you know where Kris is?”

“Kitchen,” I tell her. “You okay?”

And she bursts into tears.

I step up to her and put my hands on her shoulders. She throws her hands over her face and shakes her head. I bend down and she looks in my eyes.

“She shouldn’t be with him.” She’s shaking her head pretty vigorously and I can feel the whole room go tense. “Not right now. He’s no good right now.”

“I…” I don’t know what to say. “Go get Kris,” I tell Cookie and he goes.

TK comes over and puts his arm around Anne. She collapses against him.

“I’m so sorry,” she says. “I’m overreacting. Nothing happened really. He just asked me why I keep following him around.” She lifts her head and laughs. “Like he’s the reason I wanted to come here tonight.”

Kris hurries over to her and she leans her forehead on his shoulder. He puts his arms around her and pets her head.

“Do you need a ride home,” I ask. I’m not sure why because I’d surely get lost on my way back. Letang will probably come with me though.

“I do, yes, but I can’t ask you to do that,” she says to me without looking at me. When she does though, a look of sincere appreciation washes over her face.

“You didn’t,” I tell her and pat my pockets looking for my keys. “You want to ride with me so I don’t get lost,” I ask Kris.

“Of course,” he nods. “There’s no hurry though, right?” He presses his cheek against Anne’s head that is resting on his shoulder again. Her eyes move to mine. I shake my head. Not because I’m saying no hurry but because I’m telling her no.

“We should go,” she says to me. I shake my head again.

“Okay,” Kris says and walks back towards the kitchen. I assume it’s to say goodbye to everybody.

“Everything fine?” I’d forgotten Geno was still standing there. Everybody else had cleared out.

Anne smiles at him and nods. He hugs her. He turns to me, shakes my hand and gives me a half hug.

“You fine?” He asks me.

“Yeah man,” I tell him. “We’re all good.”

He nods and walks away. Kris hugs him on his way back to us. They linger for a few seconds too long because it gives me a chance to ask Anne something.

“Why are you so intent on me being this girl’s hero?”

“Electricity,” she says and smiles at Kris who is beside me now.

“Electricity?” He tilts his head.

“Yeah,” she says and slides her hand in his. “Sometimes it’s like magic.”

Kris furrows his brow in confusion.

“Sometimes the currents are so strong you can get jolted just by being in close proximity,” she tells him but she’s looking at me.

“Whatever,” I say and walk out the door.

---------------------------------------

Danny doesn’t say a word to me the whole way home. Every time I try to say something, he puts his hand up.

I pull into his driveway and get out of the car. He walks towards his house without looking at me. So I walk home through the woods.

I stop about halfway and sigh heavily. I stand there for a minute just trying to think of things I should have done differently tonight. First of all, I shouldn’t have been imagining it was Jordan kissing my neck. Jordan inside of me. Maybe Danny could sense that. Maybe that’s why he was so upset.

I open the back door and Lucky jumps out, practically knocking me over. I sit on the step and he runs over to get his ball. I absent-mindedly throw the ball for him several times and then I hear the door open.

“How’d it go,” my dad asks.

“It was fun. We had a good time,” I answer without turning to him. I smile just in case he can see through the back of my head.

“I’ll be awake for a little while if you want to talk,” he offers.

I don’t know how he knows.

“About what,” I ask him and throw the ball for Lucky again. “It was really pretty uneventful.”

“Except for hanging out with a professional hockey team for the second time in a week,” he says.

“Yeah. Except for that.” I smile and turn my head to him a little but quickly turn back towards the yard.

“Okay,” he says. “Well I’ll be up for a while anyway. Even if you don’t want to talk.”

I hear the door close. I rub Lucky’s sides playfully and coo at him.

“Who’s a good boy?”

He tosses his ball at my feet.

---------------------------------------------

We pull up to Anne’s house. Nice house. Quaint, I think is a good word for it. I can’t be sure but I think she lives not too far from Danny.

“Hold on,” she tells me and jumps out of the car. Kris moves to get out too.

“Whoa there, boy,” I tell him like he’s a horse. He looks at me.

“What,” he shrugs. “She said she’d take me home in the morning.” He winks at me.

“I don’t know how to…”

Anne is shoving a contraption through my window. Scares the crap out of me.

“She’ll be outside with Lucky,” she tells me as she’s punching an address into the GPS. “You should really get one of these,” she smiles and attaches it to my windshield.

“Why,” I ask her. “I have him.” I point my thumb towards Letang. He laughs and gets out. They meet around the front of my car and join hands.

“Wait,” I tell them. They stop and walk around to my window. “Do you really think I should go over there?”

“Yes,” Anne smiles.

“But what if she’s not there?”

“She’s there,” she answers.

“What if she doesn’t want to see me? I don’t want to look like a crazy stalker.”

Anne leans her forearms on my window.

“Jordan. Listen to me. She needs to talk to somebody. I’m not that person and neither are her parents. I know she’s outside with her dog right now because that’s what she does. He is her outlet. He calms her.”

“How do you know,” I ask her.

“I’m more observant than she is,” she says and leans in to kiss my cheek.

“I don’t know,” I shake my head. “I don’t think I should.”

Kris leans down now.

“You should,” he says and pats my shoulder.

I drive to the end of Anne’s street.

“Please turn left,” the GPS tells me. So I turn right even though I have no idea how to get home. I feel like defying the woman on the GPS. At some point I’ll pull over to punch my address in.

“At the next light, please turn right,” she says. I go straight.

“At the next light, please turn right,” she insists. I give in and let myself get directed to her house.

Chapter Eighteen

What was that supposed to mean? ‘See more of each other,’ he said; like it was a dare or something. Or maybe it’s just my mind racing about that bit of skin I saw between his shorts and shirt. I’m not sure why he’s having such an effect on me anyway. I try to remind myself that this is the guy I blame all Pens losses on. Even when he wasn’t playing… because then they lost because he wasn’t playing. But now here I am getting all flustered at a peek of his skin. What would I do if I ever saw him without a shirt? The thought gets me all jumpy and I feel like my palms are starting to sweat, so I drop Danny’s hand. And anyway, it’s not like I’ll ever see him without a shirt.

Danny and I walk around kind of aimlessly, mingling with different groups of people. His grip tightens on me whenever we approach new people. Sometimes his arm is draped over my shoulders and his hand grips my right shoulder. Sometimes he’s holding my hand, our fingers woven together, and the pressure of his grip makes my fingers straighten so I have to push my fingertips back against his hand.

I notice that it seems like every time I remember to pay attention, he has a full beer in his hand. I make a mental note of it even though I don’t know if it matters. I mean, I can drive us home. And really if nobody else is concerned that a drug addict is drinking too much, who am I to scold him about it? Besides, I’m a little afraid to bring it up.

A small sigh escapes my mouth. I bring my bottle up to my mouth and consciously take a sip instead of a gulp.

Deryk walks over to us, shakes Danny’s hand and claps him on the shoulder. I brace myself for the pressure against my knuckles but the squeeze doesn’t come. Even when Deryk leans in to kiss my cheek, Danny is relaxed. Deryk has a calming effect on him. Funny that the one guy here that could give him a run for his money in a fight is the only one that makes him feel comfortable.
“Hi Deryk,” I smile at him and he winks at me.

“Hey man, when do you think I can come work out with you?” Deryk’s question makes me brace myself for the tension again. But again it doesn’t come.

“Any time you want. Just give me a call,” Danny tells him. I think maybe I hear excitement in his voice.

The two of them start talking and I excuse myself to the bathroom. I’m in an empty hallway before I realize I don’t know where to go. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The fact that there’s nobody else within ten feet of me makes me feel better. I relax my shoulders and drop my head.


----------

There are so many people at this party now that I lost track of Carly. I keep looking over the tops of people’s heads trying to catch a glimpse of her. There are five or six girls in a tight circle around me. They’re giddy and drunk. I’ve tried to convince myself a few times to pick one of them but just can’t bring myself to do it. Not that they aren’t pretty enough. They’re just not her.

“Excuse me,” I push myself through the small, giddy circle.

“Promise you’ll come right back,” one of them calls after me.

I give them a thumbs up but don’t turn around. “Not happening,” I mumble to myself.

I turn the corner to walk down the hallway to Max’s bedroom. He has a private bathroom in there that nobody is supposed to use. I’m not nobody so I figure I can.

And there she is.

I’m struck dumb so I just stare at her back. Her head is slumped and she’s rocking it from side to side. All of her hair is draped over her right shoulder and the skinny straps on her dress reveal the skin I’ve been longing to touch, to kiss. The smooth skin on her left shoulder is particularly inviting.

I try to be quiet so I can watch her. I stop breathing just in case it’s too loud.

She brings her right hand across her chest to rub her left shoulder. I want to do it for her.

She drops her hands to her sides and spins around.

“Hi! I was looking for a bathroom and got a little crimp in my neck,” she says cheerfully. She’s not cheerful though. Her eyes give her away. Even in a dark hallway.

I want to walk towards her but I feel cemented in place again. This girl makes me stupid.

-------------

I sense somebody coming towards me while I’m standing in the hallway. I feel like an idiot just standing there rolling my head around like some mentally deranged person.

I know it’s Jordan before I turn around. I don’t know how, but I can feel that it’s him. I let that sink in for about 100 years too long before I turn around.

“Hi,” I greet him happily because I am happy it’s him. I’m not happy that I’m happy it’s him but there it is. “I was looking for a bathroom and got a little crimp in my neck,” I tell him the truth. He doesn’t need to know that the crimp is from nerves. Or at least it was. It’s gone now.

“That’s how we met,” he says adorably. “I was looking for a bathroom.”

“We met and bonded over full bladders,” is my ridiculous response. We’re not bonded. I’m such a stupid girl.

“Want me to work it for you?” He finally takes a step towards me.

“Huh?” I have no idea what he’s talking about because nothing makes sense. Least of all the way he makes me feel completely at ease.

“The crimp in your neck,” he smiles. My heart races. “After I show you to the master bath, I mean.”

“Oh. No that’s okay. It’s all better.” I leave the rest unsaid, it went away because you calm me.

He stretches out his arm to direct me down the hall. His skin peeks through above the waist of his shorts. I resist the urge to fall to my knees or to reach out and trace my finger along his waistband. But my eyes stay glued. I’m aware that I’m staring but I can’t stop. My eyes refuse to move in case his skin shows again. I have to turn my whole body away.

“Thank you,” I tell him and start down the hall.

We approach a door and he says, “here,” as he’s reaching from behind me to push the door open. His arm grazes my shoulder and I feel myself gasp a little. His skin is hot against me. I feel like I start to sweat immediately.

The door opens to a huge bed and my eyes go wide. I may faint.

“uh… the bathroom is over to the right,” his voice shakes. “I’ll wait here,” he says and stays in the hallway. I open the bathroom door and hear him pull the bedroom door shut. I don’t know which side of the door he’s on.

I have to be in and out of this bathroom in one minute. I have one minute to remember how to breathe correctly. What is going on?

I rest my elbows on my knees and bury my face in my hands while I pee.

“Carly?” Danny’s voice comes through the door like somebody’s breaking it down.

Well. I’m exaggerating. He doesn’t yell or anything. I’m just surprised to hear his voice. Maybe I feel a little guilty.

“Yeah,” I answer. “I’m done. Just washing my hands.”

He opens the door and steps in. He comes toward me and waves a hand towards the door.

“You maybe should have locked that,” he laughs. “Unless, of course, you wanted him to follow you in.”

“I would have died!” I exclaim. It’s true.

“Think anybody would miss us if we stayed in here for a few minutes?” He asks with a gleam in his eye.

I walk over to the door, look over my shoulder at Danny and smile as I lock the door. He puts his hands under my dress to pull my panties down and I close my eyes. He lifts me onto the sink and I keep my eyes closed. He kisses my neck and pushes himself into me as far as he’ll go and I keep my eyes closed. I see Jordan’s face behind my closed eyes. I don’t know why it’s him. I don’t know where he came from but I’m not opening my eyes. I moan as Danny pushes a little deeper. I throw my head back with my eyes pointed at the ceiling in case they open by accident. I pretend the lips kissing my neck are Jordan's.

---------

Why does that guy always appear? Fucking Danny. I’d like to see this girl once without him around. Just once for more than one minute. I hear him open the bathroom door so I just leave. I don’t have to piss that bad anyway. Even if I did, I wouldn’t want to walk in there after they come out. I may never use that bathroom again.

“Yo Jordo!” A voice booms in my ear and a hand comes crashing down on my shoulder.

“’sup Engo?” My voice cracks.

“Whoa,” his eyes flash concern. “You crying, brother?”

“What?” I look at him like that’s the most absurd thing. “What do I have to cry about?” I bring my bottle up to my lips.

He shrugs. “Want to come with me on Tuesday?” He wags his eyebrows.

“Probably not,” I answer him after I swallow.

“No, you do. I’ll pick you up at eleven,” he says and walks away.

--------

I pull at the hem of my dress and open the bathroom door. Danny walks behind me with his hand on my back. I can’t look at him. I may never look at him again.

We go back to mingling and Danny squeezes my hand too tight.

“Where’s Lovejoy?” Rachel’s voice fills the room. She looks so comfortable. One more thing to envy her for.

She sees us and bops over.

“I’m borrowing her,” she tells Danny and pulls me away.

“I like Lovejoy,” she tells me as she’s dragging me around. “I’m still not sure how I feel about him as a player but he’s a great guy.”

I feel like she said that a little too loudly so I look around for Lovejoy. I don’t want him to be offended.

We fall into step and walk out onto the balcony. She pulls me into an empty corner.

“Jordan has a crush on you,” she blurts. “Don’t tell Danny.” Her eyes dart around. “Obviously.”

“What? He does not,” I roll my eyes but the butterflies are fluttering all around my insides. I swallow a squeal.

“I heard,” she pauses. “I overheard those exact words. Exact. ‘Jordan has a crush on that Carly chick.’”

“Thanks for telling me,” I say because what am I supposed to say.

“Of course,” she nods.

Neither of us says anything for a few beats.

“Now what,” she asks when I finally look at her.